"I seriously want to give up on homeschool. Alex is in a funk I cannot break. I am beyond frustrated... How do you keep your sanity while catering to multiple styles of learning. Oh, and correcting nine years of confused parenting? I did some crying out to God today on my knees."
This was the exact words I texted to my bestie last week.The week before had been horrible. The homeschool honeymoon was over. Let me add this texting conversation was only 45 minutes after thinking I should really put up a blog post, one that was all colorful and warm, about how homeschool was going so far this year.
Her response: "You make a lot of mistakes, you eat a lot of crow and you pray a lot! It is worth it though."
And this got me thinking, "Why did I begin homeschooling in the first place?".Ahhhh yes, it was a prompting from the Holy spirit.
It was a little voice of mommy intuition that cried out each time I dropped a pair of sweet brothers off at the local school. When the "what if's" began to surface. And looking into their innocent eyes I would promise them that if ANYTHING ever happened that I would do everything in my power to come and get them and bring them home to safety. But you and I both know that school shootings are now a growing scary list.
It was a loss of values in this great country of America. Having conversations with an eight year old about why some of the kids in their class may have two mommies or two daddies and how this isn't God's plan but that we must still be kind and quietly pray for them to learn the truth.
It was dozens and mountains of heartfelt prayers. A marriage to a man who doesn't voice whether or not he may say a prayer and likely does not was an obstacle I was certain that would only be overcome by the Lord Himself. Car rides to school usually involved a tearful prayer from two small boys crying out to God that if it was the right thing for our family, could we please homeschool?
It was support from an amazing group of Christian women who I meet with weekly who encouraged me to consider praying that I could homeschool. We talk about the world around us and feel pretty strongly that we are given children as a gift so that we can teach them in the way that they should go.
It was the desire to extend a little devotional here and there to daily studies that bring the Bible into every facet of our lives. I didn't want to hope that they learned what was necessary from the coloring sheets and songs on Sunday's. The Bible is the most incredibly written and complete life manual for teaching!
Why did we have such a horrible week? It was likely a beautiful reminder from God himself that even when life is turned upside down He is in the details. We humans are funny that way. We need a reason to remember why we follow His leading in our lives. By crying out to Him I have realized exactly why we are on this journey of homeschool. Homeschool is an opportunity to live life as he intended for us and for this I am grateful. By falling low I was given the chance to cry and out, pick up my cross and follow Him.
And what did I do with this rough week? I followed it with a week of Joy. Play dates with friends, math worksheets on the couch while all snuggled up to mom, lunch in the park with a book, a trip to the library, movies that teach gratefulness and a breath of fresh air.
Boy am I blessed.